Unix Guru : How to C With Java, and other tricks

Unix Guru : How to C With Java, and other tricks

Old Nick, our Unix Guru, was very unhappy this morning. In fact, he was livid, which he seldom is. I had to be very careful and diplomatic talking to him as we sat in the cafe sipping coffee.

“This is beyond ridiculous,” Nick blared, causing some early morning coffee aficionados to look at us with disapproving eyes. I gestured at Nick to keep his voice down. So Nick looked around, and then he spoke to me again from between his gritted teeth. “I have been told that all new code from now on will be written in Java. This has come from Bill, our new Senior Director. He tells me that the directive has actually come from the Stratosphere, and he can’t make any adjustments to that. I am pissed, to put it mildly. You know what I think?” With that, he paused for effect, glaring at me.

“What do you think, Nick?” I asked.

“I think they should get rid of the higher management,” Nick said, from between his gritted teeth. “I think these guys on their comfy chairs have no idea what makes for good code, but that won’t stop them from issuing diktats on using Java over C. This is beyond ridiculous!” With that, his voice rose again.

“I agree, this is quite ridiculous,” I nodded. “So, what are you going to do about it, Nick?”

“I could barely sleep thinking about it last night,” Nick said. “I tossed and turned, and wondered what coding has come to, thanks to these no-good managers. The amazing things you can do with C, its like magic! It is the most powerful thing I have ever laid my fingers on. To take it away from me is nothing short of crime. And to replace C with Java!” With that he made a loud snorting noise. “You know what I think of Java?”

“I do, Nick, I do,” I assured Nick. After all, I have heard Nick abuse Java nearly every other day. “But the reality is here. Do you plan to learn Java?”

“Are you going mad, Tao?” Nick laughed. “Am I going to learn Java? No! Instead, I came up with a plan early this morning.”

“And the plan is?”

“You know Shri, right? He is going to write a one-line java code for the project to call my C-code,” Nick said with a smile.

“And your C code?” I asked. “Remember, they do not want any C code in the project.”

“I am going to write my C code as Open Source. There are no restrictions that Open Source has to be written in Java.” Nick guffawed. From the corner of my eyes, I could see people looking at us.

I smiled at that, too. “You are brilliant, Nick!” I said.

“Ain’t I?” Nick said with all the humility he could master.


Anonymous said…
Well written. I found it really funny!

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